I love weekends. I know everyone else does too, but I just needed to say it out loud. I really love weekends. This one was especially fun. The big kids saw their cousins. They slept over and went swimming. I got to drink a coffee and eat a cinnamon roll inside a coffee shop. This is no small feat for a mother of three. (Thank you, Auntie Erica.)
And, I got to sing. I got to sing really loud and worship with some amazing people, many who are dear friends, my tribe. It brought me back to life. All that breathing from the diaphragm breathed life right back into my lungs. It was good and I needed it.
We threw a baby shower. With cowboys and indians strewn around a family room, friends like family came together to celebrate a baby on his way. Yummy food and a few choice late 90’s pop tunes were a hit. The mama-to-be glowed brightly as she was blessed with an abundance. It was awesome.
After all this hullabaloo, I came home last night to a clean house. (Thank you, fly.) And, then it hit. The cyclone of parenting littles swept us away as it always does.
We had to run an errand.
We hadn’t seen each other all weekend.
We decided to all pile in the car to spend some “quality time” together at 6:30pm.
Then the baby needed to eat.
Then the big babies needed to eat.
Then the mommy and daddy needed to eat.
Fed and home, the car unloaded and kids upstairs. PJ’s, teeth brushed...wait, did we brush teeth? I can’t remember. Kids in bed. Drinks of water. Bathroom runs. Baby nursing. Baby down (Why is she the easiest one of our bunch? It’s all grace!)
Needless to say, the clean house we left at 6:30 had been lived in and on and no longer shined or smelled of fresh lemon scent.
And this, my friends, is what I wake up to every Monday...a mess. Sometimes it’s not the kitchen, sometimes it is the master bedroom where the Fly and I have been sleeping on top of the comforter with a blanket because I stripped the bed to wash the sheets but they didn’t make it in the dryer and it is just too difficult for me to remember to buy a second set of sheets every time I go to Target...or maybe it’s that the cart is already filled to the brim and I can’t bring myself to spend another $50 plus on sheets!
Wherever it may be, our room, kids rooms, play room there is always room for more mess and sometimes it is so overwhelming and I am so tired that just sit in my mess and let it take over...my mood, my responses, my life.
And, as I sit and stew in the things crowding me and suffocating me I get even more tired and a bit hopeless. The mess on the outside produces mess on the inside and I can’t see past it. I let it hold me down. Chained and captive. My anxieties rise and flood my heart and then it happens...I am paralyzed.
And, then it hits me. This isn’t so much about sitting in the mess around me it’s more about sitting in the mess inside of me. And, I ask myself if I’m willing to do the hard work again? Am I willing to pick up pieces one by one and clean out the clutter that comes with bad choices and bad habits?
Yes, you’ve figured it out, my friend. My messy Mondays are not about the toys strewn across the family room rug or the dishes piled high in the sink. My messy Mondays are more about me deciding whether or not I am willing to let the Holy Spirit continue to transform me, shape me, mold me.
And today, I said yes.
I said yes to working out my messes because I want to teach my kids that we are continually being perfected. I am not asking them to be perfect but I do hope they will let the Perfect One perfect them through their own messy lives.
I hope they will see how God can take a messed up life and bring great beauty from fallen ashes.
I hope they will see how God can take our greatest mistakes to remind us of what He can and will rescue a person from if we let Him.
I hope they will see how God can take deep hurts and grant a healing that brings life from death.
So, I stand at my kitchen sink, in the middle of my mess, motivated by grace, and I begin. Dish by dish, I scrub and I pray. I pray for myself and so many others facing the same...
Would today be the day we choose to not be overwhelmed by the mess but instead invite Him who offers grace, forgiveness, and boundless love, pour His living water right over our lives. May we drink deeply and be refreshed and lay our mess down at His feet. He meets us there and we can take His hand one step at a time.
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:1-5