Shortly after I launched She Sings Along I went for a walk with some good friends. We were walking, talking and praying. It's my favorite kind of walk. It feels very productive...burning calories, bearing burdens, building each other up. We took turns pushing the Little Man in his stroller as we each shared how the Lord had been moving in our lives. Huffing and puffing up the hill we pressed in and on. One of them shared the quote below with the rest of us. It spoke to my spirit. It encouraged me. It was a sign for me. I had heard correctly. It confirmed what had been stirring in my heart. God is good. We see it in so many ways. However, it is in those moments, when I desperately need to know that I am not crazy and all of this is not made up, he seems to reveal himself so personally. We just have to keep our eyes and ears attuned to Him.
It said nothing about breath control, vowels and tongue placement. The technique is not the issue here. The real issue is the heart. Where is the sound welling up from? What motivation is bringing it forth? Why am I singing and who is it for?
For a long time I have been singing for myself, to myself and about myself. I thought my intentions were good. Really. But at the end of the day much of the singing I have done has been aimed at pleasing myself.
Oh, friend! I am selfish...more often than I would like to admit. It's something I'm working on. Day by day. It seems to be the wretched thorn in my flesh constantly bringing me to my knees in weakness. He uses those sweet babies to help me. Sometimes the little things they do can hold up a mirror to the self-glory I find myself trekking through.
When the dust settles and the light shines through I see the self-centered motives for what they are. I confess and I hold on to truth like this,
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
He is not only doing a work with me or through me...he is doing a work in me.
That is a picture of grace. Getting something I don't deserve. This week I am going to sit in the grace differently. I know I will always fall short in my singing. Only in heaven will every note be pitched and pointed perfectly at Him. He knows that too. I desperately want to "sing spiritually" with my "eye to Him in every word." I don't want my heart to be carried away with the just the sound.
But, the truth is, there will be days like today. Days when my grumbles get the better of me. Days when I complain more than praise. Days when thanksgiving is forced. Days when I do dishes and fold laundry and murmur under my breath. Days when I am more of a curse to my family than a blessing. But, just as it did today, when the dust settled and a quiet moment offered itself, I will choose grace. I will lay my head on the pillow, confess, and remember his mercy and his grace.
Sometimes we just have to remember.